Regarding Expectation

Once again my phone was acting up. It wouldn’t hold a charge, wouldn’t open my e-mail because it claimed my storage is full. I deleted things, tried to clean it up, kept it plugged in, and generally treated it like a newborn infant, but it would not cooperate. This made me angry. Angry because I had expectations that weren’t being met. I wanted my little tiny hand-computer to be my lifeline to the rest of the world at anytime and at any place. It was not meeting the needs it had touted it would and it wasn’t fair.

I set the phone down gently and looked at it for a second and I had to laugh. I laughed because even at it’s worst, I was holding an amazing piece of technology in my hand. At it’s worst, I could still call my husband in his car as he drove to his client’s office. At it’s worst I could plug it in to my car and call for help if I were stranded. It wasn’t that I had nothing to complain about, but I also had a lot to be thankful for.

It brought to mind that my expectations are always the worst culprit in igniting my anger. It also brought to mind other areas of my life where I was allowing my expectations to overshadow my blessings.

My husband for example. He isn’t perfect. He isn’t always what I want him to be. He isn’t always as thoughtful as I wish he were. He isn’t always as attentive as I want. He doesn’t always have time for what I want and he doesn’t always say what I want him to say. There are times I wonder what happened to the adoring man who swept me off my feet with his conversation, attention and the little surprise notes I used to find in my jacket pockets. He used to have time to think about me and plan ways to show me the time and attention I craved.

You know what though?

On his worst day he’s the most faithful man I know. On his worst day I trust him more than anyone. On his worst day I know he regards marriage itself (not just ours) as one of the most important covenants there is. He puts God first and it’s obvious. He loves by serving, and it isn’t very romantic, but it’s strong. I am so, so thankful that he works hard, thinks wisely, lives faithfully and gives generously. I’m thankful that when he makes a decision he prays, seeks counsel and asks me what I think. I’m thankful that he is the one I get to work and rest beside. It’s not that there’s nothing to complain about, but I also have a lot to be thankful for.

I’ve really tried not to complain too much about my phone, focus on the fact that it does what I need most of the time and be content, but he noticed. This afternoon he called me and said he’s going to stop at the store pick up a new phone for me. It’s kind of like a love note in my jacket pocket. He needs a new phone too, but he’s getting mine first and I know it’s because thoughtfulness is proven best in faithfulness, but it shows up in attention now and then too.

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