An Observation

I tend to leave my marriage issues out of my blog. There are a lot of reasons for that, but here are the two big reasons.

1) If it’s bad, it always gets better and there is more damage done in expressing what’s bad than in waiting for truth to rise up and bite the bad in the back-side.

I refer you to Psalm 37:8 in the NIV “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.” Complaining about anything, especially your spouse, never makes it better. It leads to worse. And reason number

2) If it’s good, you don’t need me bragging about it…especially if it’s not so good at your house that day. And…I like to sort of keep it to myself. Not in a secretive way, rather, I like to treasure it…quietly. I’ll share if I need to, if I know it will help someone, if I see that it’s an example they can use as an encouragement, but I’m happy with my love for my husband and I don’t need any help with that.

In this I refer to verse 19 of chapter 2 in Luke. I’ve quoted it before, but look at the Amplified version here: “But Mary was keeping within herself all these things, weighing and pondering them in her heart.” I love that. There are treasures that we are commanded to share and I believe there are other treasures we are given as personal gifts. There are times, not just with my spouse, but with my Savior that I will never write about here. Moments of sheer joy that are mine and mine alone. They’ll show on my face and come out in my actions, but the experience is only mine.

So…you can probably guess that after a huge disclaimer like that I’m about to write about my marriage. And you’re right.

I made an observation this past week that struck me as interesting and worth sharing. It wasn’t a bad turned good situation, nor was it an example of incredible spousal fortitude that brought me to a passionate state. No…it was just two ordinary words and they changed something.

Kris and I have been busy, running a lot, we see each other, we talk, but seldom has it been personal in the past week or so. We were catching up after our trip out of town. School is in full swing and church has kept us active as well. Nothing has been wrong and we’ve stayed in mental cahoots with one another quite adeptly. Nearly 13 years of marriage are working here, keeping us in harmony when we can’t see each other’s music.

The other night we sat down on the couch, tired. Too tired to say much, so we clicked the remote and started watching something. It wasn’t much of anything and I was content…or at least I thought I was content. Kris said something and I responded and we kept watching. I noticed something though. A feeling. Something clicked in my heart and I examined what it was. I felt more at home. A warmth that I hadn’t noticed as missing, was back and I felt better. What happened? I thought back to what had been said and to be honest I could only remember two words…”I like…” I couldn’t even remember what he liked, but Kris had said, “I like” something and my heart responded.

I told him about this a little later over coffee at Fido’s (we got to have a little date thanks to Amber and Madison) and it was interesting to then discuss the importance, not just of sharing our own “likes”, but of hearing the “likes” of our spouse. I could have talked and talked about my day, what I did, who I saw, how I felt and what I hope for, but I don’t think it would have made the difference that hearing from him made in my heart. My heart, because it belongs to him, needed to hear from him. Not just a rundown of his day or an agenda for the next, and not a passionate love or hate observation, but a simple, “I like…” was important to me. I marveled at how I didn’t even know I needed to hear it, I wasn’t brooding over his lack of attention or tired silence. I only noticed it once it returned, like opening the windows and letting in the fresh air. We don’t always notice things have gotten stale until we experience the fresh again.

Listening to someone else and their “likes” and “dislikes” can seem one sided, but when we care about people it is in listening that we build something solid and perceptive in ourselves. It is important to share our own thoughts, surely I wouldn’t blog at all if it weren’t, but it is equally important and refreshing, even for ourselves, to hear from others.

I am grateful to God for His design in us. What would we look like if we did not have His Spirit to cause us to hunger for the needs, the desires and the “likes” of those we love.

“A generous man will prosper;
he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”
Proverbs 11:25